Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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