Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
