halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
worst night to have a conscience
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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