Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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