i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
