Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
