two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
