Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
