Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
