My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
