I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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