what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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