the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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