We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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