I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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