I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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