You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
