woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He shit in the fireplace
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