Don't make out with my wife yet
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
