it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
it glows. i had to have it.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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