i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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