let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The beer is more important than you right now.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
