..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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