Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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