i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
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Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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