Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
