I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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