my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
