She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
