someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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