they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Randomize
