if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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