Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
