Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
