I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
4 words: hood of his car
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
