marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
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