The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
