Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
