I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
