Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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