i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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