I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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