I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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