Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
