the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
