Who did Billy Mays play for?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
