Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
