Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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