I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
