Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Couch. On fire.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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