She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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