And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
