his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
