i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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