He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
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i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
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I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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