The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Will exercising make me less horny?
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