Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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