If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Found the puke drawer
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
