Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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