she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
